The Issue
Enthusiastic sports fans have been petitioning the government all week to apply for the much-coveted honour of hosting the next Regional Olympics. While most citizens are excited at the prospect of a @@REGION@@-wide competition in their own country, some have expressed reservations about the enormous expense hosting would incur.
The Debate
1. "WAHAAAAY!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, captain of @@CAPITAL@@'s premier division ballroom dancing team. "Finally, a chance to show the world exactly how great I am! Everybody's always complaining that @@NAME@@ never does well in sports and you know why? It's because we're never in front of the home crowd, that's why! We're going to need a great big stadium! No! TWO stadiums! WHOOP! OL-YM-PICS! OL-YM-PICS!"
The Result: NATION successfully hosted the the Pacific Olympics.
Economy +2
Business Subsidization +3
Toxicity -3.5
Youth Rebelliousness -2
2. "Oh great," mutters @@RANDOMNAME@@, spokesperson for the Angry Taxpayer Society. "That's all we need, more things to pour money into for no obvious reason. Surely it would be easier to just let another country host the Olympics and keep the cash? Then maybe it could go to something useful, like, I don't know... my wallet?"
The Result: ???
3. "We'd be missing an amazing opportunity if we pass this up," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Sports. "But we've got to be in it to win! Simply building new stadia won't be enough, we need to be funding new sports centres and hiring the best coaches for our entrants! You could put more money into public facilities too, like gyms or something. Then no one can accuse you of wasting everyone's tax @@CURRENCY@@s, ha ha. Ha."
The Result:
Economy +10
Averageness -10
Business Subsidization +4
Employment +12
Environmental Beauty -2.25
Government Size +1
Health +1
Human Development Index +2
Industry: Arms Manufacturing +1
Industry: Automobile Manufacturing +1
Industry: Basket Weaving +1
Industry: Beverage Sales +1
Industry: Book Publishing +1
Industry: Cheese Exports +1
Industry: Furniture Restoration +1
Industry: Gambling +1
Industry: Information Technology +1
Industry: Insurance +1
Industry: Mining +1
Industry: Pizza Delivery +1
Industry: Retail +1
Industry: Trout Fishing +1
Lifespan +2
Obesity -18
Pacifism -5
Public Healthcare +4
Sector: Agriculture +1
Sector: Manufacturing +1
Tourism +5.25
Toxicity -0.75
Unexpected Death Rate -2
Weaponization -1
Weather +9
4. "There's nothing like a feat of strength to please the dull-witted masses, is there?" sighs @@RANDOMNAME@@, flipping through 'One Hundred Gambits for Advanced Go Players'. "It's so boring. Why can't more intellectual pursuits be given the spotlight, like chess or debating matches? Ban organised sports and make our dreams come true! I think you'll find it comes at a far lower price than the populist Olympics ever will."
The Result: ???
#121: A Uniform Plan For @@NAME@@'s Students
The Issue
A random PTA meeting has brought the debate over school uniforms to your attention.
The Debate
1. "I think uniforms are great," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, your Minister of Education during a cabinet meeting. "They instill a sense of community within our schools which lowers crime - and the pupils can go about their daily business without having to worry about being browbeaten by their classmates for not wearing the latest trainers. @@NAME@@ simply cannot do without them. If the children don't like them, then hard cheese."
The Result: school
uniforms are compulsory.
2. "Dude, your plan stinks," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, leader of The Students Union. "Our clothing is part of who we are; it lets us express ourselves just by passing someone in the corridor. To say we must wear these inhibiting uniforms is an affront to our personal freedom! So back off with the uniforms, dude, students should be allowed to go to school dressed however they like. Or not dressed, if that's their style."
The Result: students are known to arrive at school in their pyjamas.
Averageness +1
Nudity +34
Safety -6
Safety From Crime -2
Social Conservatism -1
Toxicity +4
Weaponization +3
#063: Tykes With Tools?
The Issue
A controversial newspaper investigation reveals that as many as 30% of all children are employed in a dangerous environment.
The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, an orphanage foster parent, says, "Child labor should be outlawed! Too many times I have received children who only know manual labor. We have to give these children an education and a chance at a real future. Think of the children!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bum on the street, agrees, "Forget about what's best for the children. They're stealing my work! The only way to get an entry job in this market is to either be younger than 12 and willing to work for nothing, or to knock off a kid and be there to fill the opening, and still be willing to work for nothing."
The Result: ???
2. Unemployed parent @@RANDOMNAME@@ begs that you keep child labor legal. "You can't outlaw child labor; we need the extra money that my 13 children earn. Since both my spouse and I were laid off, the only way to get enough money to feed both of us is to have all of our kids employed. In fact, with the downswing in the economy we're expecting another kid to close the gap."
The Result:
Averageness -3
Employment -6
Environmental Beauty -2.5
Government Size -1
Industry: Arms Manufacturing -1
Industry: Automobile Manufacturing +1
Industry: Information Technology +1
Industry: Retail +1
Industry: Timber Woodchipping +1
Obesity +4
Pacifism -2
Safety -6
Safety from Crime -2
Sector: Manufacturing +1
Toxicity +3.5
Weaponization +2
Youth Rebelliousness +3
3. Fat cat factory owner @@RANDOMNAME@@ steps over the bum in the street and explains, "You don't understand. You shouldn't make child labor illegal, you should subsidize it. By employing these kids I'm giving them valuable life lessons. I didn't go to school and see where I am now? I'm giving them work experience, making them highly employable for the 15 years of their expected lives."
The Result: ???
#219: Nobody Expects The @@NAME@@ Inquisition!
The Issue
Some key figures of @@NAME@@'s major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.
The Debate
1. Cardinal Mortimer Gratwick, Archbishop of @@CAPITAL@@, demands you kiss his ring before telling you, "the Church encourages the formation of an Inquisition. However, it will only be to try those in error and put them on the right track to holiness; you needn't worry about those nasty thumb-screws and we haven't had a rack in ages, so we won't be torturing people. Of course, in order to bring this noble plan into effect, the Holy Office must have jurisdiction over the civil courts."
The Result:
2. "This is bloody outrageous!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the nation's most important civil liberties movement, People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything, while jumping up and down in front of a television camera. "These damn ultra-conservatives will plunge us all into chaos! @@NAME@@ can never have an Inquisition! Everyone should have the right to think, say, believe, etc, whatever the damn they please. When was the last time you released a dove on a monthly basis? Huh? HUH?! That's what I thought! It's time to move beyond these primitive beliefs!"
The Result:
Averageness -3
Godlessness +5
Government Size -2
Religiousness -4
Tourism +0.5
3. "The people of @@NAME@@ need more than an Inquisition," pronounces @@RANDOMNAME@@, known fundamentalist tele-preacher, who pauses hawking the complete DVD collection to make some demands. "We must persecute all those who do not live according to the Book! The Lord has told me that the time has arrived to bring back the good old days! Back when we didn't have all these touchy-feely, fuzzy-headed punishments. Prison? Ha! Like that's a punishment! Stick those heathens in the stocks, or even better: bring back stonings! It'll bring us into a new golden age!"
The Result:
Safety From Crime -2
Social Conservatism -1
Toxicity +4
Weaponization +3
#063: Tykes With Tools?
The Issue
A controversial newspaper investigation reveals that as many as 30% of all children are employed in a dangerous environment.
The Debate
1. @@RANDOMNAME@@, an orphanage foster parent, says, "Child labor should be outlawed! Too many times I have received children who only know manual labor. We have to give these children an education and a chance at a real future. Think of the children!" @@RANDOMNAME@@, a bum on the street, agrees, "Forget about what's best for the children. They're stealing my work! The only way to get an entry job in this market is to either be younger than 12 and willing to work for nothing, or to knock off a kid and be there to fill the opening, and still be willing to work for nothing."
The Result: ???
2. Unemployed parent @@RANDOMNAME@@ begs that you keep child labor legal. "You can't outlaw child labor; we need the extra money that my 13 children earn. Since both my spouse and I were laid off, the only way to get enough money to feed both of us is to have all of our kids employed. In fact, with the downswing in the economy we're expecting another kid to close the gap."
The Result:
Averageness -3
Employment -6
Environmental Beauty -2.5
Government Size -1
Industry: Arms Manufacturing -1
Industry: Automobile Manufacturing +1
Industry: Information Technology +1
Industry: Retail +1
Industry: Timber Woodchipping +1
Obesity +4
Pacifism -2
Safety -6
Safety from Crime -2
Sector: Manufacturing +1
Toxicity +3.5
Weaponization +2
Youth Rebelliousness +3
3. Fat cat factory owner @@RANDOMNAME@@ steps over the bum in the street and explains, "You don't understand. You shouldn't make child labor illegal, you should subsidize it. By employing these kids I'm giving them valuable life lessons. I didn't go to school and see where I am now? I'm giving them work experience, making them highly employable for the 15 years of their expected lives."
The Result: ???
#219: Nobody Expects The @@NAME@@ Inquisition!
The Issue
Some key figures of @@NAME@@'s major religious groups have requested government sponsorship for the institution of an inquisition to try heretics and blasphemers.
The Debate
1. Cardinal Mortimer Gratwick, Archbishop of @@CAPITAL@@, demands you kiss his ring before telling you, "the Church encourages the formation of an Inquisition. However, it will only be to try those in error and put them on the right track to holiness; you needn't worry about those nasty thumb-screws and we haven't had a rack in ages, so we won't be torturing people. Of course, in order to bring this noble plan into effect, the Holy Office must have jurisdiction over the civil courts."
The Result:
2. "This is bloody outrageous!" screams @@RANDOMNAME@@, head of the nation's most important civil liberties movement, People for the Ethical Treatment of Everything, while jumping up and down in front of a television camera. "These damn ultra-conservatives will plunge us all into chaos! @@NAME@@ can never have an Inquisition! Everyone should have the right to think, say, believe, etc, whatever the damn they please. When was the last time you released a dove on a monthly basis? Huh? HUH?! That's what I thought! It's time to move beyond these primitive beliefs!"
The Result:
Averageness -3
Godlessness +5
Government Size -2
Religiousness -4
Tourism +0.5
3. "The people of @@NAME@@ need more than an Inquisition," pronounces @@RANDOMNAME@@, known fundamentalist tele-preacher, who pauses hawking the complete DVD collection to make some demands. "We must persecute all those who do not live according to the Book! The Lord has told me that the time has arrived to bring back the good old days! Back when we didn't have all these touchy-feely, fuzzy-headed punishments. Prison? Ha! Like that's a punishment! Stick those heathens in the stocks, or even better: bring back stonings! It'll bring us into a new golden age!"
The Result:
#260: Taxpayers On Strike!
The Issue
The latest budget reports have marked a steady decline in @@NAME@@'s monthly income. A study initiated by your treasurers has revealed that many of your nation's citizens are not paying their taxes.
The Debate
1. "Damn right we're not!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of many citizens protesting in front of your office. "Your oppressively high taxes are picking our pockets and robbing us of our livelihood. No more, we say! The government may call us tax cheats, but that's just because it's afraid to call us the PATRIOTS that we are! Cut the tax rate, and we'll think about paying again."
The Result:
Averageness -46
Defense Forces -3
Eco Friendliness -3
Environmental Beauty -6
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -3
Health -0.24
Human Development Index -2
Law Enforcement -3
Public Healthcare -7
Public Transport -3
Safety -9
Taxation -1
Tourism -6
Toxicity +10
Weaponization +2
Welfare -3
2. "@@NAME@@ can't survive when people don't pay their taxes!" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@NAME@@'s Revenue Bureau. "Citizens may feel that they need to keep all of their @@CURRENCY@@s, but the government needs it too! Without taxation, how can we build roads, schools and hospitals? How can we protect the people from themselves? We need to give the police broad powers to lay down the law on these tax-evading scum until they pay up."
The Result:
3. "Scum is such a harsh word. Everyone has something worthwhile to contribute, as my mother always said." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, controversial social theorist and fountain of homespun folk wisdom. "Even if they won't pay their taxes, folks ought to have other ways to pay back into society. They could spend some time with the civil service or military reserve, for example. And goodness knows, blood and organ donation rates aren't as high as they could be. A pint of blood or a good kidney ought to pay a tax bill right proper."
The Result:
#327: No Rest For The Weary @@ANIMAL@@The Issue
With the popularity of @@ANIMAL@@ racing in @@NATIONNAME@@ booming, the growing number of retired racing @@ANIMAL@@s being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking @@ANIMAL@@s fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.
The Debate
1. "We're overflowing with @@ANIMAL@@s here!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the Sunrise @@ANIMAL@@ Retirement Lodge. "And we just don't get enough donations from the public to house them all. We're now facing a choice between turning away @@ANIMAL@@s, or putting them down. It's the @@ANIMAL@@ racing industry's fault we're in this situation - make them pay for homing the @@ANIMAL@@s they cast off."
The Result:
Averageness -1
Compassion +1
Niceness +1
Pacifism +1
Rudeness -1
Toxicity -1.25
Weather +1
2. "Not far enough!" declares animal-rights protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a @@ANIMAL@@ costume to show her sympathy for their plight. "There's only one reason that @@ANIMAL@@s get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is @@ANIMAL@@ racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban @@ANIMAL@@ racing!"
The Result:
3. "Hold on! @@NATIONNAME@@ has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some Nematodes?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMAL@@ Stadium. "What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the @@ANIMAL@@s love to race - at least compared to the beatings."
The Result:
4. "There's a better solution to this all," suggests animal shelter volunteer @@RANDOMNAME@@, as she fixes a leash to a @@ANIMAL@@. "There is a problem, but it isn't with the @@ANIMAL@@ racing industry; it's that not enough people are adopting @@ANIMAL@@s. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a @@ANIMAL@@ - and you can set them an example!" Handing you a grizzled old @@ANIMAL@@, she finishes, "Here's Buddy."
The Result:
#281: Free Internet For @@NAME@@?The Issue
After receiving four-digit internet bills, the people of @@NAME@@ are demanding that a free internet service be made available by the government.
The Debate
1. "The only way to ensure internet neutrality in @@NAME@@ is to place the internet under government control," opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Telecommunications. "My ministry has been trying to reel in the unfair practices of these companies for ages, and now public sentiment is on our side. With an internet free of 'premium access' and content discrimination, @@NAME@@ will be the envy of @@REGION@@. Unfortunately, since providing free access would be enormously expensive, we'll have to increase taxes slightly... but isn't that a small price to pay?"
The Result:
2. High school principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "The last time I checked, one of the purposes of the @@NAME@@ government was to provide a decent education for our children. More and more students are turning to online services as a way to accelerate their schooling. Online courses offer a wide range of education in academics and work-related skills. But not all my students have the internet, and there's certainly no commercial incentive to lay down lines in farmland. The government needs to step in and provide a free internet for these students. Invest in our future!"
The Result:
3. "Oh for the love of Violet!'' bemoans conservative columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''The government has proven time and time again that it destroys everything it touches. Do you want your internet to be slow? Do you want to be taxed up the wazoo, thanks to government inefficiency? I sure don't. Just let the market handle this for once. While you're at it, take the money you would have used on this worthless endeavour and give your citizens a well-deserved tax refund instead."
The Result:
Economy -1
Averageness -15
Business Subsidization -2
Defense Forces -1
Eco Friendliness -1
Employment -4
Environmental Beauty -2
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -1
Health -0.03
Human Development Index -1
Law Enforcement -1
Lifespan -1
Public Healthcare -1
Public Transport -1
Safety -1
Taxation -1
Tourism -2
Toxicity +2.25
Unexpected Death Rate -1
Welfare -1
4. "Considering the absurd regulations we have to put up with, it's no wonder we have to charge so much for our internet service," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ Speedy Internet Co. "Safety guidelines, minimum access mandates. If the government would get rid of all these regulations, we could lay down lines for less @@CURRENCY@@s, and pass the savings down to the consumers. This problem isn't our fault: it's yours."
The Result:
#175: Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
The Issue
The highly moral and religious pressure group 'Cuckolds And Cuckqueans Anonymous' has lobbied for the criminalisation of adultery.
The Debate
1. "Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@ while wearing a T-shirt bearing the slogan 'Marriage is for life, not just for anniversaries'. "Whatever happened to lifelong companionship? Whatever happened to simple faithfulness because of love?! Adultery seems to be more of a hobby than anything these days! The government must impose the utmost punishments on those who commit this sin. A good old-fashioned stoning should sort it!"
The Result:
2. "I don't agree with adultery either," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a passer-by. "But, uh... stoning? You don't think that's a little extreme? If we find someone guilty of fornication we can just lock them up in jail. That way no-one gets killed and the sinners get justice. It's more expensive to the tax payers than a stoning of course, but I reckon it's worth it."
The Result:
3. "With the greatest of respect, this is none of your business!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ who is rumoured to have had more than a thousand lovers and even more children. "The government has no right to go about trying to dictate the laws of love and romance! Marriages break down, people move on - is it really the government's place to make people stay put? You must recognise the fact that the law has no place within the bedroom!"
The Result:
Averageness -5
Godlessness +2
Government Size -1
Law Enforcement -2
Religiousness -2
#152: A Capital Idea
The Issue
A crowd of penniless ex-businessmen have amassed in @@CAPITAL@@, demanding that the government return all the nationalised industry to private control.
The Debate
1. "GREED IS GOOD!" bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous advocate of capitalism. "The economy is stagnating terribly under government control. Complete privatisation is the only option here. It's time to give power back to the people! Well, rich people, anyway..."
The Result:
Economy -1
Authoritarianism -0.001
Averageness -70
Corruption -2
Defense Forces -6
Eco Friendliness -6
Employment +6
Environmental Beauty -15
Freedom From Corruption +2
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -1
Health -0.19
Human Development Index -3
Ideological Radicality +1
Income Equality -2
Industry: Arms Manufacturing +2
Industry: Basket Weaving +1
Industry: Beverage Sales +1
Industry: Book Publishing +1
Industry: Cheese Exports +1
Industry: Furniture Restoration +1
Industry: Insurance +1
Industry: Mining +1
Industry: Trout Fishing +1
Law Enforcement -6
Lifespan -1
Most Pro-Market +0.4
Obesity +10
Pacifism -4
Public Healthcare -6
Public Transport -6
Rudeness +1.99
Safety -4
Sector: Manufacturing +1
Taxation -1
Tourism -11
Toxicity +12
Unexpected Death Rate +1
Wealth Gaps +2
Weaponization +1
Welfare -6
2. "This is outrageous!" cries armchair revolutionary @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government must maintain the principles of equality and socialism that we fought so hard for, and not sell the country to corrupt and greedy corporations. We must eject these shameful capitalists from our great nation at once!"
The Result:
3. "Hey, aren't we all being a little extreme about this?" says noted economist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Surely we could just keep the key industries, such as the electricity and water supplies, under government control and lessen the regulations on the others so they could function more independently? That way, the people can't complain that they are at the mercy of big business, and industries such as retail can function more effectively."
The Result:
#125: Bring Back The Ballot? [Centralis; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in @@NAME@@, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections.
The Debate
1. "Give us the vote!" cries protester @@RANDOMNAME@@, before hurling another volley of eggs. "It is the right of the many to decide who leads our country, not the few! If we don't get democracy right now, we'll... we'll, uh... we'll throw more eggs, that's what we'll do! Don't say you haven't been warned!"
The Result:
2. "Elections?! Have they gone quite insane?!" shouts red-faced government hard-liner, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't possibly allow that rabble to have such a degree of control over this country! They're never happy! One moment they're demanding democracy, the next they'll be complaining about all the new taxes! If we dropped taxes, you'd find that they'd be much more compliant. And if they're not, we'll get the army to fill 'em full of lead."
The Result:
Political Freedoms -15
Authoritarianism +0.006
Averageness -43
Corruption +13
Defense Forces +4
Freedom From Corruption -13
Government Size +1
Ideological Radicality +2
Pacifism -5
Rudeness -1.099
Safety -1
Safety from Crime +1
Tourism -1
Weaponization -1
The Issue
The latest budget reports have marked a steady decline in @@NAME@@'s monthly income. A study initiated by your treasurers has revealed that many of your nation's citizens are not paying their taxes.
The Debate
1. "Damn right we're not!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, one of many citizens protesting in front of your office. "Your oppressively high taxes are picking our pockets and robbing us of our livelihood. No more, we say! The government may call us tax cheats, but that's just because it's afraid to call us the PATRIOTS that we are! Cut the tax rate, and we'll think about paying again."
The Result:
Averageness -46
Defense Forces -3
Eco Friendliness -3
Environmental Beauty -6
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -3
Health -0.24
Human Development Index -2
Law Enforcement -3
Public Healthcare -7
Public Transport -3
Safety -9
Taxation -1
Tourism -6
Toxicity +10
Weaponization +2
Welfare -3
2. "@@NAME@@ can't survive when people don't pay their taxes!" retorts @@RANDOMNAME@@, the head of @@NAME@@'s Revenue Bureau. "Citizens may feel that they need to keep all of their @@CURRENCY@@s, but the government needs it too! Without taxation, how can we build roads, schools and hospitals? How can we protect the people from themselves? We need to give the police broad powers to lay down the law on these tax-evading scum until they pay up."
The Result:
3. "Scum is such a harsh word. Everyone has something worthwhile to contribute, as my mother always said." says @@RANDOMNAME@@, controversial social theorist and fountain of homespun folk wisdom. "Even if they won't pay their taxes, folks ought to have other ways to pay back into society. They could spend some time with the civil service or military reserve, for example. And goodness knows, blood and organ donation rates aren't as high as they could be. A pint of blood or a good kidney ought to pay a tax bill right proper."
The Result:
#327: No Rest For The Weary @@ANIMAL@@The Issue
With the popularity of @@ANIMAL@@ racing in @@NATIONNAME@@ booming, the growing number of retired racing @@ANIMAL@@s being abandoned on the streets has become harder to ignore. As irresistibly cute pictures of sad-looking @@ANIMAL@@s fill up the pages of newspapers, the time has come for government action.
The Debate
1. "We're overflowing with @@ANIMAL@@s here!" exclaims @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the Sunrise @@ANIMAL@@ Retirement Lodge. "And we just don't get enough donations from the public to house them all. We're now facing a choice between turning away @@ANIMAL@@s, or putting them down. It's the @@ANIMAL@@ racing industry's fault we're in this situation - make them pay for homing the @@ANIMAL@@s they cast off."
The Result:
Averageness -1
Compassion +1
Niceness +1
Pacifism +1
Rudeness -1
Toxicity -1.25
Weather +1
2. "Not far enough!" declares animal-rights protestor @@RANDOMNAME@@, wearing a @@ANIMAL@@ costume to show her sympathy for their plight. "There's only one reason that @@ANIMAL@@s get abandoned in the first place, and that reason is @@ANIMAL@@ racing. These poor creatures get cooped up in a cage all day and are virtually starved so they race well, all to line the pockets of some avaricious gambling bosses. The solution is obvious - ban @@ANIMAL@@ racing!"
The Result:
3. "Hold on! @@NATIONNAME@@ has a powerhouse Gambling Industry – do you really want to give it all up because of some Nematodes?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@, owner of the @@CAPITAL@@ @@ANIMAL@@ Stadium. "What we need is less regulation - so we can race the animals more often, and draw more punters in. Besides, the @@ANIMAL@@s love to race - at least compared to the beatings."
The Result:
4. "There's a better solution to this all," suggests animal shelter volunteer @@RANDOMNAME@@, as she fixes a leash to a @@ANIMAL@@. "There is a problem, but it isn't with the @@ANIMAL@@ racing industry; it's that not enough people are adopting @@ANIMAL@@s. All we need is a national campaign to persuade people to adopt a @@ANIMAL@@ - and you can set them an example!" Handing you a grizzled old @@ANIMAL@@, she finishes, "Here's Buddy."
The Result:
#281: Free Internet For @@NAME@@?The Issue
After receiving four-digit internet bills, the people of @@NAME@@ are demanding that a free internet service be made available by the government.
The Debate
1. "The only way to ensure internet neutrality in @@NAME@@ is to place the internet under government control," opines @@RANDOMNAME@@, Minister of Telecommunications. "My ministry has been trying to reel in the unfair practices of these companies for ages, and now public sentiment is on our side. With an internet free of 'premium access' and content discrimination, @@NAME@@ will be the envy of @@REGION@@. Unfortunately, since providing free access would be enormously expensive, we'll have to increase taxes slightly... but isn't that a small price to pay?"
The Result:
2. High school principal @@RANDOMNAME@@ says, "The last time I checked, one of the purposes of the @@NAME@@ government was to provide a decent education for our children. More and more students are turning to online services as a way to accelerate their schooling. Online courses offer a wide range of education in academics and work-related skills. But not all my students have the internet, and there's certainly no commercial incentive to lay down lines in farmland. The government needs to step in and provide a free internet for these students. Invest in our future!"
The Result:
3. "Oh for the love of Violet!'' bemoans conservative columnist @@RANDOMNAME@@. ''The government has proven time and time again that it destroys everything it touches. Do you want your internet to be slow? Do you want to be taxed up the wazoo, thanks to government inefficiency? I sure don't. Just let the market handle this for once. While you're at it, take the money you would have used on this worthless endeavour and give your citizens a well-deserved tax refund instead."
The Result:
Economy -1
Averageness -15
Business Subsidization -2
Defense Forces -1
Eco Friendliness -1
Employment -4
Environmental Beauty -2
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -1
Health -0.03
Human Development Index -1
Law Enforcement -1
Lifespan -1
Public Healthcare -1
Public Transport -1
Safety -1
Taxation -1
Tourism -2
Toxicity +2.25
Unexpected Death Rate -1
Welfare -1
4. "Considering the absurd regulations we have to put up with, it's no wonder we have to charge so much for our internet service," says @@RANDOMNAME@@ of @@NAME@@ Speedy Internet Co. "Safety guidelines, minimum access mandates. If the government would get rid of all these regulations, we could lay down lines for less @@CURRENCY@@s, and pass the savings down to the consumers. This problem isn't our fault: it's yours."
The Result:
#175: Is @@NAME@@ Too Promiscuous?
The Issue
The highly moral and religious pressure group 'Cuckolds And Cuckqueans Anonymous' has lobbied for the criminalisation of adultery.
The Debate
1. "Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?" asks @@RANDOMNAME@@ while wearing a T-shirt bearing the slogan 'Marriage is for life, not just for anniversaries'. "Whatever happened to lifelong companionship? Whatever happened to simple faithfulness because of love?! Adultery seems to be more of a hobby than anything these days! The government must impose the utmost punishments on those who commit this sin. A good old-fashioned stoning should sort it!"
The Result:
2. "I don't agree with adultery either," says @@RANDOMNAME@@, a passer-by. "But, uh... stoning? You don't think that's a little extreme? If we find someone guilty of fornication we can just lock them up in jail. That way no-one gets killed and the sinners get justice. It's more expensive to the tax payers than a stoning of course, but I reckon it's worth it."
The Result:
3. "With the greatest of respect, this is none of your business!" yells @@RANDOMNAME@@ who is rumoured to have had more than a thousand lovers and even more children. "The government has no right to go about trying to dictate the laws of love and romance! Marriages break down, people move on - is it really the government's place to make people stay put? You must recognise the fact that the law has no place within the bedroom!"
The Result:
Averageness -5
Godlessness +2
Government Size -1
Law Enforcement -2
Religiousness -2
#152: A Capital Idea
The Issue
A crowd of penniless ex-businessmen have amassed in @@CAPITAL@@, demanding that the government return all the nationalised industry to private control.
The Debate
1. "GREED IS GOOD!" bellows @@RANDOMNAME@@, a famous advocate of capitalism. "The economy is stagnating terribly under government control. Complete privatisation is the only option here. It's time to give power back to the people! Well, rich people, anyway..."
The Result:
Economy -1
Authoritarianism -0.001
Averageness -70
Corruption -2
Defense Forces -6
Eco Friendliness -6
Employment +6
Environmental Beauty -15
Freedom From Corruption +2
Freedom From Taxation +1
Government Size -1
Health -0.19
Human Development Index -3
Ideological Radicality +1
Income Equality -2
Industry: Arms Manufacturing +2
Industry: Basket Weaving +1
Industry: Beverage Sales +1
Industry: Book Publishing +1
Industry: Cheese Exports +1
Industry: Furniture Restoration +1
Industry: Insurance +1
Industry: Mining +1
Industry: Trout Fishing +1
Law Enforcement -6
Lifespan -1
Most Pro-Market +0.4
Obesity +10
Pacifism -4
Public Healthcare -6
Public Transport -6
Rudeness +1.99
Safety -4
Sector: Manufacturing +1
Taxation -1
Tourism -11
Toxicity +12
Unexpected Death Rate +1
Wealth Gaps +2
Weaponization +1
Welfare -6
2. "This is outrageous!" cries armchair revolutionary @@RANDOMNAME@@. "The government must maintain the principles of equality and socialism that we fought so hard for, and not sell the country to corrupt and greedy corporations. We must eject these shameful capitalists from our great nation at once!"
The Result:
3. "Hey, aren't we all being a little extreme about this?" says noted economist, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "Surely we could just keep the key industries, such as the electricity and water supplies, under government control and lessen the regulations on the others so they could function more independently? That way, the people can't complain that they are at the mercy of big business, and industries such as retail can function more effectively."
The Result:
#125: Bring Back The Ballot? [Centralis; ed:Sirocco]
The Issue
Angry crowds formed yesterday around government offices in @@NAME@@, demanding the reinstatement of free and fair elections.
The Debate
1. "Give us the vote!" cries protester @@RANDOMNAME@@, before hurling another volley of eggs. "It is the right of the many to decide who leads our country, not the few! If we don't get democracy right now, we'll... we'll, uh... we'll throw more eggs, that's what we'll do! Don't say you haven't been warned!"
The Result:
2. "Elections?! Have they gone quite insane?!" shouts red-faced government hard-liner, @@RANDOMNAME@@. "We can't possibly allow that rabble to have such a degree of control over this country! They're never happy! One moment they're demanding democracy, the next they'll be complaining about all the new taxes! If we dropped taxes, you'd find that they'd be much more compliant. And if they're not, we'll get the army to fill 'em full of lead."
The Result:
Political Freedoms -15
Authoritarianism +0.006
Averageness -43
Corruption +13
Defense Forces +4
Freedom From Corruption -13
Government Size +1
Ideological Radicality +2
Pacifism -5
Rudeness -1.099
Safety -1
Safety from Crime +1
Tourism -1
Weaponization -1
Nicely detailed I just solve Schoolchildren Not Learning The Lingua Franca Issue with option 2. I wonder if option 1 will be difference.
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